My friend, gluten.

I am so emotional today, and I read something last night that talked about how therapeutic the act of writing can be. So here I am, writing on a blog that was almost entirely forgotten.

Shortly before Thanksgiving, I had a nagging voice in my head saying, "Eat gluten, eat gluten, eat gluten..." over and over it went. In all my 4 years of being GF, I've never actually eaten gluten on purpose - it's always been accidental as I never wanted to go through the effects of having gluten in my body. I feared it, actually. This voice was annoying and it was gnawing at me loudly for a couple of weeks before I took action.

I was in the car, by myself (rare), when Top Pot Donuts appeared suddenly before me. I've driven past the same Top Pot Donuts at least a 1,000 times as it's on one of my regular driving routes - but I'd never had the urge to go there. Until that moment. I pulled into the drive through and ordered a maple bar. I was in disbelief the entire time, from pulling into the parking lot to exiting with donut in hand. What was I doing?????

I devoured that donut.

Then I dreaded what I was sure would be coming to me in 2 days time (a change of mood, tiredness, anxiety, bloating, constipation, sharp shooting pains in my GI tract...).

And I waited. And waited. and waited.

Nothing happened. I was shocked, joyous, and utterly confused all at the same time.

It wasn't until I was at a child's birthday party and directing someone with a gluten-free cupcake toward my daughter that I had a conversation about this anomaly that made sense. The employee at the bounce house party began to question me about Charlotte's GF requirement.  The gal I was talking to was diagnosed Celiac 15 years ago and she had a similar experience with being off gluten for years and then accidentally eating a gluten filled meal, expecting the worst and then having nothing happen. She went to the doctor over it - thinking she'd been cured of Celiac Disease. Her doctor informed her that after so long off of gluten, her gut had healed from the damage done by gluten all those years she had been eating it. So ingesting gluten in limited quantity after years without, wouldn't cause the same physical ailments that lead her to be diagnosed in the first place. This made sense. Lots of sense. This girl had also been told by her doctor that even if she didn't have physical evidence of a problem or reaction to gluten, that it was still damaging her body and it was still important for her to stay away from the source.

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I just discovered this draft. It was written in November 2014. I decided to publish, because well, it's where I was at back then.